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Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
Dear Readers,
I had the opportunity to be at one of the largest industry conferences this past week. I was fortunate to both moderate a panel and give a presentation on the last day. It’s always fulfilling to see the engagement and interest of people in our industry who want to learn and grow.
One conversation that came up quite a bit during meals and off-presentation topics was about the end-of-the-year rush to “get it done.” These were all women advisors, and many talked about family commitments, desire for travel, and supporting team members in finishing out the year, while also balancing personal demands that arise during the holiday season.
For a twist on this week’s column, I will share some stress management techniques I often teach to help mitigate the overwhelming feeling of “I can’t do this all!” and to find ways to enjoy the December rush. In my training as a Certified Hypnotherapist, we work quite a bit with stress. These are the secrets many people don’t know that can help ease the tension day and bring a bit of joy into the midst of the chaos!
1. Learn the art of the pause. Many high-performing advisors and their team members are used to juggling. They become accustomed to moving from one thing to another, jumping to solve and taking care of things as quickly as possible, only to move on to the next set of issues. Yes, clients will call with urgent requests, end-of-the-year traditional-to-Roth conversions might be needed, RMDs must be calculated, decisions are made for tax mitigation, charitable contributions must be made, and so on. There is truly a lot going on and little time left in the year to get it all done on behalf of your clients – not to mention actually running the business as well.
Learning to deliberately pause in the midst is a powerful tool for focus. This means recognizing the rush, stopping right in the middle, and doing nothing for a few seconds. It could be when walking to refresh your coffee, or when typing an email or when rushing to the next meeting. Recognize the rush and stop. Just stop right in the middle. This slows everything down. While it can feel uncomfortable at first, it helps you to focus and center yourself. Rushing, hurrying, and creating more chaos in the midst of everything doesn’t help you. Deliberately slow down, pause, and reset.
2. Practice mindfulness. This means listening more intently, focusing on one thing at a time, and being in the moment with your clients and team members. It is so common for the active mind to be moving on to the next thing while barely listening when someone else is speaking with us. This happens in meetings, in one-to-one conversations and on calls or Zooms.
The mind cannot focus on two things at once. If you think you are listening, but you really are responding to a text message, you aren’t focused on either one. Give your clients and your team members the gift of your focus this December. Choose to be present and actively engaged in every interaction. Not only will people respond to you more effectively, you will learn more than you could if you were focused elsewhere.
3. Watch your self-talk. This is where the hypnosis training comes in. The mind is often actively talking (silently, of course) about a million different things at once. You might see something that sparks your imagination and leads you on a mental tangent. As a result, you might lose your connection to what’s really happening and what choices you may have to approach a given situation. Recognize your triggers. Think team members aren’t fast enough to respond to clients?
Think clients are too pushy when they call several times in a week to ask the same sort of question? Think your internal support isn’t effective? These things may all be true, but if you focus and ruminate on them – effectively telling yourself stories about them – you will be less effective.
Know what triggers you and causes you stress. When you can catch yourself heading down this path, make a conscious choice to drop it and leave that narrative behind. The negative stories don’t serve you. Don’t give them your attention. My personal favorite mantra when I catch a negative thought is to re-orient and tell myself “I can do one thing right now, let me focus on this (whatever that thing might be).”
Then I refuse to talk to myself about it, and instead just start doing something that needs to be done (with mindfulness, back to point #2).
4. Use the STOP! Technique to stop stressing and start relaxing. When you recognize stress building, whether because you are worried, rushed, upset or your body is responding in a negative manner, physically stop what you are doing. Find a place to sit down for 20-30 seconds and close your eyes. Picture a STOP sign in your mind telling you to cease the worried thoughts.
Allow your body to relax. You can’t do this while driving or in meetings of course, but you can do it in a bathroom stall! Find a quiet place and, for less than one minute, separate from the stress, breathe deeply, and determine to STOP what is causing you distress.
5. Learn to BREATHE. As I said earlier, the mind cannot focus on two things at once, so the breath is a valuable and effective tool. When you turn your attention to your breath, your entire body slows down and becomes more relaxed. This requires you to sit for one minute. Start by taking a calming and easy breath in through your nose, then slowly let the breath out through your mouth. Imagine any tension from your body is going with it.
Do this a second time, and the third time, when you push the breath out, close your eyes. Sit there for 30-40 seconds and do nothing but breathing in for three slow counts and breathing out for three slow counts. When you focus on nothing but your breathing, your body will respond. This takes some practice. However, once you have done it for a few times, you are able to sit in a meeting where the tensions are rising and — without closing your eyes — choose to sit there and breathe until you are calmer and more centered.
It's a busy time of the year, and there is no way around that fact. But hopefully one of these techniques might help you to manage yourself more effectively. Perhaps share these ideas with your team members so while you are getting it all done, you are all doing it without the unnecessary stress and turmoil!
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry, in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. The firm has won the Wealthbriefing WealthTech award for Best Training Solution for 2022, 2023 and 2024. Beverly is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate and graduate students Entrepreneurship and Leading Teams. She is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.