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Treat people the way you want to be treated or do unto others as you would have them do unto you. The golden rule is the foundation of how we were brought up by our parents and grandparents. We’ve heard it time and time again as a guide for our behavior towards others. We packed these words deep into our souls and shared them with the next generation, never breaking with tradition.
Until now.
The golden rule doesn’t work for you as an advisor. It lets you down.
Stick with me.
The golden rule has a huge flaw that needs to be exposed. It sets you up for failure on a big assumption that everyone does want to be treated the way you want to be treated.
That is not the case.
For example, let’s consider a situation where you’re talking to a prospect and doing your best to influence her to become a new client. You say to yourself, if this was me, I would want to know everything there is to know about our company and what our plans are going forward. I would want to see proof of the success of our investment strategies. Applying the golden rule, you begin to treat her like you would want to be treated. You proceed to unfold an array of statistics proving your success, giving her the complete history of the firm including plans for the future. In the meantime, your prospect says to herself, “I hate all of these details. I could care less about the stats. All I want to do is meet the people of the firm and see if I get a good feeling here. My friend wouldn’t have referred me here if she didn’t already trust them.” The prospect is too kind to interrupt you and instead will nod her head and smile.
The golden rule instantly puts you and your prospect on two separate sheets of music. It’s uncomfortable and tense. In this case, the prospect will likely walk away feeling as though you didn’t click. She might be left feeling frustrated because she was unable to accomplish what she wanted and now needs to express her uncertainty to her friend who referred her to you. That’s also very uncomfortable.
There’s an alternative that will serve you much better as a financial advisor and significantly enhance the quality of your relationships. The platinum rule, founded by Dr. Tony Allessandra, far surpasses the golden rule and takes individuality into account with how you treat others. Diversity being a prominent topic today, you can’t go wrong. The platinum rule states: Treat people the way they want to be treated. This new standard accounts for other people’s feelings and preferences. There’s a complete shift in focus away from you and towards the other person with every interaction. When you take the platinum rule into account you begin to realize how important it is to understand what others want and need and the role you play in accommodating them on behalf of the relationship.
The platinum rule is a thread that you can weave through every relationship you encounter from clients, prospects, COIs and even colleagues and people at home. When you treat people the way they want to be treated the relationship naturally feels more comfortable and relaxed. Tension is reduced instantly and people respond more positively to you. It’s not uncommon for someone to respond by saying, “I just get the sense you get me. I feel so comfortable with you.”
If we look at the same example with the prospect applying the platinum rule, you start out saying to yourself, “I know what I would like to learn if I were her, however, she’s not me. I need to find out what she needs to learn from me and how I can help her.” You proceed to say to the prospect, “Tell me why you’re here.” And then you listen to her and respond accordingly. If she wants to meet people in the firm, you walk her around and introduce her. If she wants to see proof of your performance success, you show her that as well. The prospect leaves with a feeling of being heard and accommodated. She feels valued and can’t wait to tell her friend how much she enjoyed the experience because you made it simple and all about her.
The platinum rule applies not only in the sales situation but in every interaction with another person. For example, you might prefer to communicate through email but you know that your client Rob prefers to speak to you in person so you call him instead. You’re not a fan of small talk and would prefer to get down to business over lunch however your COI, Karol, enjoys hearing about your family and so you account for the first 15 minutes of your lunch meeting being all about small talk so Karol’s needs are met and the relationship is nurtured. By making these small adjustments to your behavior with the people in your life, you make them feel comfortable around you. When they are comfortable, they open up and the relationship takes a giant leap forward in trust. As trust continues to develop, so do friendships and referral opportunities.
As coaches for financial advisors, we know the importance of being able to build exceptional relationships. Every day, we help our clients apply the platinum rule in sales situations, client interactions, COI relationships, marketing messages, challenges with colleagues, and even family dynamics. We utilize a relationship tool that revolves around behavioral styles known as Everything DiSC. Gaining a deep understanding of the four primary DiSC styles provides financial advisors with the knowledge they need to determine how best to treat someone based on the needs of their style. It’s like being given a user’s manual for human behavior.
The impact of applying this knowledge is felt on the bottom line. Better relationships will enhance referral opportunities. Connecting with prospects on a deeper, more intimate level will increase your closing ratio. Deeper appreciation for other's needs will reduce friction and build more collaboration among colleagues. The platinum rule will even create more harmony in the home, sending happier employees to the firm. It’s genuinely a win-win-win. Perhaps it’s time you let go of the golden rule and fully embrace the platinum rule.
Michelle R. Donovan owns Productivity Uncorked LLC where they help financial advisors to be more productive and be more profitable. The partners at Productivity Uncorked are Certified Facilitators of Everything DiSC Workplace, providing assessments, webinars and training to financial firms and teams. Their new online course The Profitable Productivity Plan for Female Financial Advisors is now available. Email Michelle at [email protected] or connect with her on LinkedIn.
Read more articles by Michelle R. Donovan