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If you’re an introvert who ever said, “Networking is just not for me,” or, “I’m not good at networking because I’m an introvert,” listen up. And those of you who are extroverts: Pay attention, because you just might learn something valuable.
In many ways, introverts are better networkers than extroverts. I know what you’re thinking.
How can that be? No way!
Read this article, and you’ll understand why.
Let’s start by broadening the definition of networking. The picture that most people see when thinking about networking is a room full of people talking about themselves, passing around business cards, sipping chardonnay and looking for a quick sale. This form of networking is not the best for making connections, at least not for introverts. In this environment, extroverts thrive because they have no issue with talking about themselves. The more people they meet, the more accomplished they feel.
But networking is so much more than this image. Sitting with someone to share a meal, watching a kid’s soccer game with your neighbor, hiking in the woods with your best friend, shooting skeet with your buddies, or catching a round of golf with your favorite foursome are all networking. The networking environments that are focused on smaller groups or even one-to-one are atmospheres that will be more effective for introverts.
Networking is about how you can help others. Zig Ziglar once said, “If you’re not helping someone else when you’re networking, you’re simply not networking.” When the emphasis is put on helping others, you become a bigger giver. You listen more carefully and ask questions to further understand the needs of the other person. You think of other people first instead of yourself. The more you give, the more you tend to receive. It’s the human law of reciprocity or as my The 29% Solution co-author and founder of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner says, “Givers gain®.”
Introverts shy away from large networking events because there are too many people, it’s loud, impersonal, pushy and overwhelming. This doesn’t make them bad networkers. It means that those networking situations are not well-suited for their skills, unless they learn some strategies to help in these situations.
For example, my client Melanie, a self-proclaimed introvert, came to me saying, “I hate networking. When I go, I can’t wait to get out of there. Everyone talks about themselves and frivolous topics.” I taught her to reframe her mindset regarding networking and position herself as the one who drives the conversation. She learned how to lead the conversation with more powerful questions such as, "How would you describe your ideal client?" and "How would I know if I’m talking to someone you would like to meet?" When the conversation became more interesting, she became more interested. She discovered that her questions were so good that the other person often turned the tables and asked the same question back to her (which was exactly what we intended to have happen).
It didn’t take long before Melanie became the last to leave every event.
Introverts prefer the more intimate setting of a one-to-one conversation where they can truly focus on the other person. They practice the two ears and one mouth rule of networking (listen twice as much as you talk). At the same time, they don’t like to talk about themselves or be the center of attention, so they usually have very keen listening skills. To avoid talking about themselves, they are very comfortable asking more questions like my client Melanie. The more questions they ask, the more they learn about the other person. The more they learn, the easier it is to find ways to help that person or someone else they know in some way. The more people they help, the more attractive they become to the people around them. Who doesn’t want to share company with good people who are willing to help you? Who doesn’t want to help someone who has helped them in various ways?
When an introvert applies these natural skills to networking, they thrive. Their relationships are deeper, and they tend to know a lot more about the individual. They become known as people who will help you in any way they can. They surround themselves with people they’ve helped who are willing to return the favor. Introverts build a smaller, closer network they can rely on. The average extroverted networker may know a lot of people, but they may not know them very well and would not feel comfortable reaching out to them during a time of need.
Great networkers are helpful, enthusiastic, grateful, and sincere. They don’t help others with the expectation of getting anything in return. Instead, they help others because it’s the right thing to do, it makes them feel good and they are good at it. I know many introverts who have become exceptional networkers by leveraging their relationship skills in specific networking environments that make them comfortable.
Yes, Virginia, introverts are better networkers. To improve your networking skills or get help in building productive relationships, let's talk…my information is below.
Michelle R. Donovan owns Productivity Uncorked LLC where they help financial advisors to be more productive and be more profitable. The partners at Productivity Uncorked are Certified Facilitators or Everything DiSC Workplace. Their new online course The Profitable Productivity Plan for Female Financial Advisors is now available. Michelle’s books have become Wall Street Journal best-sellers, Amazon best-sellers and published in seven languages. Email Michelle at [email protected] or connect with her on LinkedIn.
Read more articles by Michelle R. Donovan