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Have you ever felt financially stuck? Maybe you want to save part of your paycheck, but you can’t seem to get started. Or you worry about your future financial wellbeing, but you don’t know where or how to start investing. Or you need a will, but finding an attorney and making decisions about your estate feels overwhelming.
This is normal; everyone gets stuck from time to time. The challenge is getting unstuck so we can move forward.
Britt Frank, a licensed psychotherapist and trauma expert, has dedicated her career to helping people get unstuck and is the author of “The Science of Stuck.” I recently talked with her on my podcast, Financial Therapy – It’s Not Just About The Money.
Britt describes two types of being stuck. The first is when we really don’t like any of the possible choices. Then the work isn’t about finding a way out; it’s about figuring out which of the unpleasant choices is the least bad and moving forward.
The second is when your nervous system is locked in a state of self-protection. This is about fear and the body’s natural instinct to avoid perceived danger, even if that danger is change itself and the actual change may be positive.
Her tool for moving from stuck to unstuck is what Britt calls the “micro yes.” A micro yes is an action so small, so seemingly insignificant, that it’s easier to do it than to not do it. The goal isn’t to make a big dramatic change but to gently coax the brain into a state where change feels safe.
For example, if you haven’t been able to start saving, begin with one penny. “Take a penny, put it in a box. When you have ten pennies, put them in the bank,” Britt advises. It sounds ridiculous, but that’s the point. The action is so small that it bypasses the brain’s defenses and doesn’t trigger fear or resistance. Over time, these micro steps compound and slowly build momentum.
For making a will, a micro yes might be as simple as opening Google and typing “attorneys near me” without even hitting search. The next day, you hit search. The day after that, you click on a name. Each task is a tiny bit of progress that breaks the cycle of inaction.
The idea that it’s possible to move from feeling stuck to achieving a goal overnight is a myth that helps keep us stuck. If you’ve ever had your vehicle stuck in mud or snow, you know it won’t go from zero to 60 mph in five seconds. The goal is to go from stuck to motion.
Once you start moving, even in the wrong direction, you’re no longer stuck. From there, you can correct your course and get back on track. Britt points out that the key is, “The second you say yes to anything, even the wrong thing, you are no longer stuck.”
Britt’s approach is not just theoretical – it’s practical and applicable to a wide range of situations. I find this method particularly enlightening because it aligns with the way I’ve seen progress happen in my own life. Trying to make big changes often fails because you’re asking yourself to do too much too soon. It’s like trying to sprint before you’ve even learned to walk.
If you feel stuck around changing a financial behavior, look for a micro yes that can lead you into motion. Find the courage to take that first tiny step. This seemingly insignificant action can lead to gradual, lasting change – possibly even more quickly than you expect. As Britt puts it: “The fastest way to get unstuck is slowly.”
Rick Kahler, MS, CFP®, CFT-I™, CeFT®, CCIM, is the founder of Kahler Financial Group, a Rapid City, SD-based fee-only Registered Investment Advisor.
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