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For couples, merging two financial lives can be tricky. Not every financial planner has the skills to effectively help you navigate that challenge. Yet the right advisor can guide you away from chronic money conflict and toward a successful partnership.
It’s worth finding someone who understands the unique challenges of planning for couples and can skillfully work with two perspectives. Here are some qualities to look for that indicate a financial planner truly “gets” the couple dynamic.
1. Experience and training in working with couples. Asking any potential advisor, “Do you work with couples regularly?” will usually get an affirmative answer that doesn’t mean anything. Rather, ask them, “Do you have any specific training for working with couples?” You want to know whether they understand the interpersonal dynamics that arise when two people are involved in every decision. Some planners are even starting to pursue training in financial therapy or conflict resolution.
2. Focus on both partners’ voices. Each partner has their own financial anxieties, concerns, and goals. The right advisor will make sure both of you feel equally included in the planning process. It’s a red flag if a planner spends most of the session talking to one partner or seems to focus on whoever earns more. A skilled advisor will keep both partners engaged and listen equally to each of you.
3. Emphasis on separate and shared goals and values. A financial plan that ignores one partner’s values will likely be a source of conflict later. A planner with the skills to work well with couples will spend time asking each partner about their values, beliefs, spending habits, savings preferences, and money experiences. Understanding these foundations can prevent misunderstandings and help both partners get behind a financial plan that reflects their combined goals.
4. Conflict resolution skills. It’s no surprise that partners, bringing separate money beliefs and values into the coupleship, often argue about money. Ask potential advisors how they handle disagreements between client couples. Those with experience in conflict resolution will often have strategies for navigating these tense situations, such as helping partners track their disagreements, make U-turns, and engage in “courageous conversations” within a safe environment. With the right mediator, you can find middle ground and reach decisions without feeling like someone “lost” the argument.
5. Encouraging a shared vision. The best financial planners will help you create a shared vision that respects each partner’s priorities and feels authentic for both of you. This might mean balancing family needs, retirement dreams, and lifestyle goals. When both partners feel invested, it’s much easier to move forward on your financial goals without resentment.
Financial planning with couples requires more than technical expertise; it demands a skill set that allows the advisor to facilitate the relationship between two people’s financial histories, values, and goals. I’ve taken training designed for couples therapists, not to become a therapist, but because therapeutic techniques to help couples navigate tough conversations have been invaluable in my work. They help me facilitate discussions in a safe way so both partners feel heard, creating a foundation for financial peace and shared goals.
As more planners recognize the value of these skills, we may begin to see future training programs include coursework on couple dynamics, conflict resolution, and collaborative goalsetting.
For now, if you and your partner are seeking a financial planner, I suggest looking for someone with experience in working with couples, relational awareness, and deep listening skills that go beyond the numbers. Asking the right questions and watching for these qualities can help you find a planner with the empathy, skills, and courage necessary to support your journey toward financial wellbeing as a couple.
Rick Kahler, MS, CFP®, CFT-I™, CeFT®, CCIM, is the founder of Kahler Financial Group, a Rapid City, SD-based fee-only Registered Investment Advisor.
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Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.