Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
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Dear Bev,
We have a client who wants us to work with his youngest son. This boy is 24 years old and has no interest in his family’s finances. The father is retired and more interested in traveling the world than being engaged with us. This boy will sometimes tell me when I call him, “You could have just texted me!” How do we help him become more interested in the family’s wealth and planning?
Jon B, Massachusetts
Dear Jon,
Like many questions I receive, yours has multiple facets to it. First off, I am going to recommend that you don’t refer to the 24-year-old son as “this boy.” It infers you think of him as “too young.” He is, in fact, an adult. He should be treated like one.
There are a couple of things to consider. It sounds like this individual is a product of his generation, which favors fast and easy communication via text or phone. You may be imposing your values and your style on him. For example, when you call, do you insist he listen to a long explanation of something, or do you get right to the point? He may be frustrated by the need to engage with topics he doesn’t deem important. Be sure you are seeking to understand his approach.
Is there a real problem with this family’s relationship with you? Are they making noises that they are unhappy with you, or are you feeling uncomfortable because you can’t connect the way you would like? The family may be perfectly happy with the situation. As long as you are able to work with them in the manner they need, while also staying true to what you need to do as a fiduciary and professional advisor, there may not be as much of a problem as you think. We sometimes assume that problems exist when in fact there are only style differences at work.
I suggest talking to the son and saying that you recognize he may prefer to receive communication at a certain time in a certain way. Try and probe with what he needs and wants. Explain that it is your goal to keep him informed and updated. Also explain that in the world of regulation and compliance, you may not be able to text certain information. See if you can reach a common ground on what works for both of you.
If you could meet him on his terms and ask for his guidance on how best to interact, you might win him over and – in doing so – make the father happy, too.
Dear Bev,
One of my favorite clients came in with her daughter to meet me for the first time. The daughter was rude to me and to her mother. At one point, the daughter called me a not-nice name in the meeting. My client was clearly mortified. I chose to ignore it, but I started to think about having to work with the daughter in a few years. Can I talk about this to my client? What do I say? It is an awkward situation for me.
Name withheld
Dear Financial Advisor,
The answer is obvious – put pressure on your client to leave her money to some foundation or charity and work with them!
That’s a joke, of course. I honestly don’t think there is a great deal here to talk about with your client. She saw the behavior and seemed to be embarrassed by it. If the daughter hasn’t learned how to act respectfully by now, there probably isn’t a lot the mother can do. It would just make the situation more awkward to address it with your client.
Unless the meeting was about the mother passing the financial baton to the daughter, I would probably choose to ignore it for now. If the daughter is the sole beneficiary or if you are going to be working with her on an ongoing basis, you will need to find out whether this is a pattern of behavior. Some people are having a bad day and act out in a moment but don’t do it again. Others seem to enjoy being rude. You won’t be sure which category she falls into until you interact with her a bit more.
I would take the higher ground. Approach the daughter next time as if you have a good relationship. If she continues to act out toward you, you might have to have a more direct conversation about her resistance to you. Some children of wealthy parents just dislike their parent’s advisors because the parent picked them. You would have to work to win the daughter over of her own accord.
If your client brings it up in a future meeting, however, you could ask if the behavior was about you or was directed at something else. Depending on the client’s response, there might be more to discuss to ensure a productive future relationship with the daughter.
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry in 1995; in 2008 she co-founded Advisors Trusted Advisor to offer dedicated practice management resources to advisors, planners and wealth managers. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate students Leadership & Social Responsibility. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including the Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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