Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
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Dear Bev,
I am in a difficult situation with a boss who does not understand me. Every time he asks me to do something, he then criticizes my work. Everything I submit is “wrong” and needs to be redone. I’m pulling my hair out (and I didn’t have much to start with). How do I get him to see what I am doing in a positive light?
Paul M.
Dear Paul,
You say that he doesn’t understand you but did you consider at all that maybe he thinks you don’t understand him? This is a classic example of a communication and behavioral disconnect. Your boss is seeking something from you that, for whatever reason, you are clearly not giving him. You are frustrated, so you probably act out (even if you think you hide it) some of this frustration. Then he thinks you are not on the team and you think he is unfair.
I’ve seen this unfold enough times that I believe it is close to what’s happening here.
My simple advice: Seek to understand him. Spend a bit less time being reactive and more time trying to understand what he needs. Being “triggered” means we are put off by something someone else does and react to it consciously or subconsciously. If I think my daughter is disrespectful to me, I will be “triggered” every time she speaks in a rude tone to me. I will react negatively and think what a difficult kid she is. It’s a common process, but most people are unaware it is happening and don’t know how to stop the cycle.
Examine what bothers you about his actions and reactions. You don’t have to do psychoanalysis, but identify objectively what makes you most upset. See if you can refrain from being triggered by him. For example, next time he tells you there was a problem with your work, instead of becoming irritated, ask him for more information. Ask if you could, calmly, take a minute to explain why you did what you did. Or, simply take the work and say, “I’m happy to fix it.”
We let other people – especially bosses – get to us and negatively affect our emotions, which then negatively affects our actions.
See if you can be the one to break the cycle and approach him differently. He may want something from you that isn’t in your natural communication style to give. You may not be able to connect with him and enjoy working for him, but it’s worth a try.
Dear Bev,
We have a marketing department that is slow to approve and provide materials for people in the field to use. It’s hard when the client asks us for information and we have to say “it’s coming.” The marketing department seems to control everything. Is this normal? What could we do differently to get what we need?
Patricia K.
Dear Patricia,
Please define “normal” for me first! Unfortunately in our industry, given regulatory and compliance constraints, the process of approving materials is not very simple. I don’t know exactly what the holdup is in your organization, but I do see this a lot. There are typically a number of steps that have to be taken to push materials out into the field, and it always seems to take longer than the field would like it to.
It’s also important to have consistency in your marketing, which may be another factor slowing down the process. The questions are always, “Who will use this?” “What’s the purpose?” “Is it a one-time or multiple use?”
In fairness to your marketing team, it’s often harder to get materials completed than one would think. However, I do understand that you are on the front line dealing with prospects and clients who have expectations and you can’t always tell them to wait.
I don’t know exactly what your role is, but if you are in a position to do so, I recommend you coordinate a meeting with some representatives from the field and from the marketing team. You could talk about mutual expectations, process and obstacles. Perhaps you will be able to meet on common ground.
Many times the sales folks and the marketing folks are pitted as adversaries, when really one can’t succeed without the other. Perhaps you could help to facilitate this bridge and get your materials approved more quickly as a result!
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry in 1995; in 2008 she co-founded Advisors Trusted Advisor to offer dedicated practice management resources to advisors, planners and wealth managers. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate students Leadership & Social Responsibility. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including the Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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