Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
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Dear Bev,
Is there a way to politely ask the male advisors I work with not to make everything a sports metaphor?
I could care less about sports of any kind. But every single meeting we have, whether internally or with clients, the three advisors I support find ways to turn their analogies into sports examples. It irritates me to no end and it sometimes irritates clients too. Why aren’t those guys more self-reflective and consider stories that are more well-rounded and gender-neutral?
Can I point it out to them? I try and avoid anything that highlights the fact that I’m the only woman in the firm. I don’t want to make trouble if I can avoid it. But I might just lash out if they keep it up!
S.O.
Dear S.O.,
Do you think the advisors are aware this approach is bothersome to you? Have you ever brought it up, even subtly, so they realize it doesn’t land well with you? I ask because my guess is that the advisors are unaware they are doing something you consider to be offensive.
There are many situations where sports analogies make sense – when talking about teamwork and collaboration, overcoming obstacles for success, working toward a common goal and so on. I was once involved in a training that referenced the role of a quarterback, and several people pushed back saying they did not appreciate a football analogy. So we spent hours researching other potential options to make the same point and we came up empty. I’m sure readers have one or two we might have missed, but it reminded me and others on my team that sometimes a sports story helps to highlight the point you are trying to make. It’s also easy. If your advisors often use them, they are readily available and can be brought up without a lot of forethought.
All of this said, if you are bothered by this and your clients appear to be put off by it too, it is worth bringing to your advisors’ attention. Do this in a non-threatening, non-combative way. Assume positive intent. They likely don’t mean to offend and would be shocked to find out they are doing so. Ask them if they have ever considered that some people, yourself included, are not sports-minded, don’t like sports and lose interest and attention when someone uses a sports story? The next time they use one, ask them after the fact what point they were trying to make with the story. Once you understand the point behind it, you could brainstorm with the advisor or offer ideas on other ways to get the same point across.
Dear Bev,
In our large firm, compliance is the watchword. We are ultra-conservative and risk-adverse. I get it and am not opposed to taking the steps necessary to ensure our firm is protected.
It’s the clients that pose the problem. I have some that argue, cajole and push-back constantly, saying, “Greg, you can get around that small requirement, can’t you?” like we are in conspiracy together against my employer.
I want to have a good relationship with my clients but I don’t want to get caught betraying my firm. I don’t believe it is in our clients’ best interest to do so. Are there good retorts for this type of thing? I keep saying “it’s the rules,” but many clients take that as a challenge to figure out a way to get around them.
G.H.
Dear G.H.,
I talk and write a lot about behavioral differences and you are hitting on a clear one here. There is a scale called “compliance,” and some people are very high in that they are rules-focused, and find it easy (if not preferable) to know the rules and comply with the rules. It never occurs to them there is another way. There are others – from the sounds of it, some are your clients – who are low on this scale and view rules as “guidelines” and challenges to be overcome and managed around. In some cases, they believe there is a faster, quicker, better way of doing things and it is creative-problem solving and, in other cases, it could be a person that believes the rules just don’t apply to them.
So, you are caught defending your firm’s position, in opposition to your clients’ spoken desires and wishes. Depending on your style, there are a few things you could say in response to this that might both diffuse the situation and more importantly get your clients off your back on this topic:
When I am chairman of the company and making all of the rules, I’ll be sure to remember you and your concerns and make changes. In the meantime, I’m just paid to enforce the rules and don’t have much say in which ones get put in place!
If all of our clients were able to find a way around the rules, there wouldn’t be reason to have rules at all would there? And if we didn’t have rules in the compliance-oriented business we are in, we’d likely be out of business pretty quickly!
I appreciate your creativity and outside-of the-box thinking but let’s work together to apply it elsewhere because we aren’t going to be able to utilize your creative skills in this situation and that would be a waste!
I know you are frustrated and many days I am frustrated too. But I’ve learned the hard way it’s better to figure out a way to comply, and then move on to other more interesting things. Can we get the documents signed (or whatever fits here) and then schedule a conversation about what planning alternatives you have for your needs?
The idea is to use humor, deflect and respectfully point out how you feel. More importantly, let them know if you are bothered by their approach, it is very likely a client or two will also be bothered by it.
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate and graduate students Entrepreneurship and Leading Teams. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here. 
