Telling Clients a Loved One Died From the Virus

This is a very personal decision. I’ve known many people who are not at all comfortable talking about losing someone close to them and others who need to talk about it. Grieving is not a process that has rules. However, if your clients are local and might have (or will) read about your mother’s passing, make them aware of it so they don’t have the uncomfortable position of letting you know they have seen the information somewhere.

I hesitate to suggest sending out a formal email to everyone on your list. Some people are uncomfortable with death and emotional upset and they might not know how to react or what to do about it.

I remember when my own advisor was undergoing a significant and potentially life-threatening surgery. He shared it with us during a regularly scheduled meeting. I appreciated hearing about it directly from him, rather than receiving a template email or letter from the office. When the conversation is difficult, the personal touch is best.

If a client asks you about your mother’s condition, you should answer it honestly. If they don’t bring it up, don’t offer information unless asked.

This is all so personal. There are no “right” and “wrong” answers. You know your clients and the relationships you have with them and what you are comfortable sharing and not sharing. Sometimes “go with your gut” is the best answer I can give.

Dear Bev,

I have never been close to my brother. But we work in the advisory firm my mother and father started together 23 years ago. My mother, who ran operations, “retired” last year but my father is still in charge and acts like the CEO. My brother runs the investment group and my role is to oversee everything else – operations, legal, compliance and client service. We have seven financial advisors who run their own practices within the firm.

My brother has been struggling with some of the choices his team has made to deal with the current market conditions. Portfolios have stumbled and clients are increasingly irritated that we are not sticking to our stated plan and making adjustments. I think we need to be doing more outbound communication. In my role overseeing client service, we are fielding an inordinate amount of calls from clients asking the same thing about our returns. If we were doing more outbound communicating, we could obviate some of those calls and calm people down.

My brother and I don’t and never have had a great relationship. As a result, when I bring this idea up, it is as if I am attacking him and accusing him of ruining the portfolios. I’m not.

We have a responsibility to our investors to let them know what we are doing and why. I tried to get my mother to intervene. But she keeps saying she is retired and doesn’t want to be involved. My father sits on the sidelines and says we should work this out together. How do I get my brother to see life would be easier if we took a different approach with communication?

A.H.

Dear A.H.,

“How do I get someone to see the error of their ways?” That is a question I have been working to answer for decades!

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Instead of telling your brother you have a good idea and then assuming he will agree, seek to understand why he is resistant.

Could he be embarrassed and think you are trying to make him look bad? If there is bad blood between the two of you going back a lifetime, he might not trust an idea coming from you that could paint him in a bad light.

Does he have more he wants to do so he is hesitant to share communication before he has made some other changes and tested some things? Seek to understand; try and ask him in a non-confrontational way what he is thinking about next and whether there is anything appropriate to share with clients at this stage.

Is he aware of the number of calls your team is fielding and the substance of those calls? Can you share data and details, so he can see exactly what you are receiving and you could ask him to brainstorm with you some solutions and approaches?

You are stuck in what I call “the dance,” where you have communicated together in a certain way forever. Every conversation brings up the common steps and missteps you have always taken and he has responded with, and vice versa. He is likely reacting negatively because there is fear and concern about performance, and what might happen next. He thinks a lot is riding on his shoulders and you are taking the chance to make him look back. The lack of trust from your history together is hampering your ability to be direct and open, and for him to respond likewise.

Be more objective. Get into his shoes to see his viewpoint and work with him in partnership to solve what could happen next. In these times, managing the firm takes even more collaboration. Avoid anything that could be perceived as adversarial in favor of extending an olive branch.

Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate and graduate students Entrepreneurship and Leading Teams. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).

She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.

Read more articles by Beverly Flaxington