Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.
Dear Bev,
I am in a difficult positon as founder of a very successful advisory firm. I have two children, one of whom has always stated he wanted to be in my business, went to school for finance, got his CFP® and has worked with me for the last three years gaining more and more knowledge. The other had a career as a lawyer, moved away, had a couple of children (my grandchildren) and has recently come into the business full-time. She contributes a lot and has been successful gaining new clients. She is more successful than my son in new business development.
She wants to be leveled out from a salary perspective to her brother because they are both my children. I want her to earn less salary (she is making as much as she was in her legal career) and then get paid on new business she brings in with HNW clients. She will end up making more doing this. But she believes I am favoring her brother with this approach.
They get along well, have a very good sibling relationship and I don’t want to change this by acceding to her demands or by making her upset. My offer to her was very fair, but she sees it as choosing one child over the other.
Am I unreasonable? Is there a better way to approach this?
T.N.
Dear T.N.,
Being a “fair and just” parent never seems to work out, no matter how hard we try! Today I was with my son and he needed a code for something. I told him it was my three kids’ birthdays, but they were in a different order. He responded by saying, “So you finally admit I am the favorite one.” Gosh, it was just a way to reorganize something to do with their birthdays, and that was his immediate reaction. It seems no matter what parents do, the lens for the kids is always, “Who is the favorite one?”
As parents, sometimes I think we are doomed no matter what we do and how we do it. Everything is interpreted through the lens of the child we are favoring and it doesn’t matter how much they grow up.
You didn’t mention your son’s perspective on the situation. Part of me thinks leveling their salary would be the fairest thing to do. But if your son thinks this is unfair given how many more years he has been there and more time he has devoted to the business, it could cause a rift. Feel him out first. It’s not like by giving your daughter an even salary, your son is effectively losing something. Maybe he would be fine with this.
Something feels “off” to me in your daughter having to earn her increases by continuing to bring in business. You founded the firm, you likely brought it to a level of success where both of your children can earn a nice living working there and continuing to contribute. You should decide what seems just and fair. They are both your children but I infer from the way you wrote the note to me that you believe your son deserves a bit more since he got on the track to work there earlier. It could actually be to the firm’s advantage to have your daughter’s insights from her travels elsewhere. She can contribute, but is contributing differently. You also don’t mention their ages – who is older and who has more years of experience? I don’t know if you have underlying dynamics that are pushing you in one direction or another.
I would lean toward level-setting the salaries and having them as equals. But socialize the idea with your son and make sure doing this would not cause a rift between them.
Dear Bev,
I have held individual discussions with my staff. I have issued a statement that we are an open-minded firm that values diversity and inclusion. I have let my staff know they can come to me and talk about anything that is on their minds with what’s happening in our country. I have made everyone aware of my own views.
What else should I be doing to ensure inclusion and openness among my team members?
M.P.
Dear M.P.,
I don’t know that you need to do more! Some firms are not doing anything, some are doing a lot and each firm has to decide what is right for them. As a leader, you are setting the stage and modeling the behavior you expect and want from your team members within your culture. This is a great thing to do, and I’m sure they appreciate and feel valued as a result.
I have seen several other firms share resources for people to learn and become more informed. I noticed a picture of a peaceful protester this week and her sign said, “I’m sorry I am late to this, I just didn’t know what was going on!” It struck me that many people might have opinions, but maybe not information.
There are great resources to find historical references, movies and books to watch, ways to educate your children, events within our own industry and so on. Maybe open a dialogue with your team and ask if people would be interested in this and if anyone wants to step up and take responsibility for curating a list of good resources to be accessible internally.
Help them dialogue in a calm and less triggered manner. By this I mean there are so many people with strong opinions and they can drown out someone who is just looking to learn and understand. Helping people with resources around how they find their voice, how they express their views and how they dialogue with people who are angry or oppressive can be very helpful too. You don’t always have to be talking about “the” issue. You can also help by giving people tools and approaches to find their voices in an ever-increasingly vitriolic world. Ask team members if they want to be a sounding board, mentor or coach for others.
This doesn’t have to all fall on your shoulders. As a leader, you are doing a lot. Find ways to allow your team members to get involved and facilitate internal information and dialogue too.
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate and graduate students Entrepreneurship and Leading Teams. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
Read more articles by Beverly Flaxington