Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
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Dear Bev,
These times are tough for our group. We’ve always been a firm that enjoys going out to lunch together and often during the week taking an evening where we have drinks before everyone heads home. We actually got a lot done when we were in these more casual modes because people could let their guard down and engage.
One of our advisors, “Helen,” took it upon herself to arrange a holiday party – virtually for us. She was trying to capture the experience we used to have. We all understood this.
The issue is that one of our advisors came to the event clearly drunk out of his mind, and another one became very rude, actually using slang terms that were insulting to people on the team and was a bit belligerent.
It was, to put it mildly, a disaster.
We all got through it, although some of us a bit better than others. But Helen cannot get past it. She is furious that her teammates embarrassed her and made an event she worked hard to plan so horrible for others. She is writing me flaming emails telling me I have to bring up what happened at our next team meeting (I am not the owner of the firm; I’m the COO and I schedule and run all of our internal meetings). I have told Helen I don’t think it is appropriate to address this with everyone, and I’d prefer to take it offline with the advisors who were culpable. She is adamant and threatening to do it herself or call them out in the next meeting.
I am tired, as all of our team is, from 2020. We are all seeking some peace. While I admit I am generally a non-confrontational person, others believe we should just move on. I am going to talk to the two advisors who were out of line. I believe that’s sufficient. Am I wrong? Should I be calling out this behavior? Do people deserve to be embarrassed when they do something like this?
S.P.
Dear S.P.,
The short answer to your question is “no.” You are not wrong. You should not call out the behavior publicly and you should not make a goal of embarrassing the people more than they likely already are having done what they’ve done.
I’m going to guess, based on the way your inquiry reads, that these two advisors are not known for doing these negative things in the general work life. You didn’t mention that going out for drinks means one advisor always gets drunk and you didn’t mention when you have your casual meetings that one is insulting to others in the firm. So I will assume this was a one-off and probably the rest of your team was a bit shocked by the fact that this happened.
But a conversation is warranted. During these virtual times, people can let their guard down. It’s possible your drunk advisor is drinking more (there is no driving, after all) and maybe starting earlier in the day. It’s possible your insulting advisor just got done reading something, or talking with someone and had an attitude before he or she came to the call. However, neither of these things excuse behavior that was off-putting to the rest of your team.
In addition, it was a bit of a slap to Helen. She hoped to bring everyone together and simulate the casual interactions you are used to having. This should be brought to their attention. You should ask each of them to reach out to her personally and apologize for their behavior and let her know they appreciated what she had done and are embarrassed (which hopefully they are) for what took place.
When someone acts in a difficult or negative manner, it is important to address it. Sometimes an employee wo is having problems and needs an employee-assistance program (EAP, although you do have to be careful how you frame these discussions of course). If you have an HR person, consult with them before you speak to these advisors. But having a one-on-one is the best approach. Embarrassing others – especially deliberately – rarely yields good results.
Dear Bev,
What do you do when you no longer trust your partners? I have been in a four-way partnership (five of us) for the last seven years. We have had our ups and downs, but my four partners are bringing in a head of business development. I met this person and do not believe they are a good fit for our firm. The salary is completely outrageous and the person seems to be a rabble rouser. I believe they will make trouble. We each get a 20% vote in everything we do and we have to go with the majority. They met together, without me involved, and agreed on this hire. Now they are trying to make me see reason and agree to this. One of my partners made it clear that I am outvoted so I may as well be agreeable. But I don’t think that is a good business strategy.
Can you rebuild trust when you think you have been betrayed?
A.H.
Dear A.H.,
There must be something in the air – I have a few advisory clients where broken trust is an issue based on differing views and an inability to make decisions in a way that allows each partner to feel like they have been heard, and it has been a collaborative approach.
Trust is essential in a partnership. I wonder by the way you characterize what happened whether they met without you, or wanted to sideline you or whether instead they think you are or are not seeing things they are seeing about this hire? I also wonder if you have adequately made your case for why you don’t think the hire is the right one. The salary is one thing but have you been clear why you believe this person will make trouble?
Many times we think we are clear and able to see very clearly and believe we have communicated exactly what we have seen. But there is a gap in what we’ve said and conveyed, and what is received by the listener.
After seven years of working together, you don’t reference past negative experiences or times when you could not trust your partners and you don’t share this as if it was a pattern of behavior so I urge you to call a meeting with your partners and share your views and concerns. Be open and inquisitive about what they are seeing that you are not seeing.
I would not want you to determine you will not trust them going forward over one situation. Be sure you have done everything to communicate, to listen for understanding, and to be heard.
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate and graduate students Entrepreneurship and Leading Teams. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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