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Last week's article on being financially stuck focused on getting help. But what if, for various reasons like affordability or availability, outside help isn't a practical option? Here are some steps you can take yourself to begin getting financially unstuck:
1. Become a curious observer of the "stuck" part of you. This curiosity is the opposite of shaming and criticizing yourself. Instead, gently question this part of you: What is it afraid would happen if it became unstuck and was successful? Where did it learn the tools it’s using unsuccessfully to get you unstuck?
2. Recognize that you are not the behavior. Separating yourself from your behavior is helpful for two reasons. One is to avoid shaming yourself, just as parents avoid damaging language like, "Shame on you for (behavior); you're a bad girl," in favor of something more constructive like, "You’re a good girl, but (behavior) is not appropriate." Second, even apparently illogical financial behavior makes perfect sense when we uncover the core belief behind it. There is almost always an underlying good intention, even when the behavior is harmful.
3. Start a conversation with your behavior. To separate yourself from your behavior and understand the "why" behind it, open a conversation with it. I use a "money dialogue" exercise where you have a conversation with the part that is stuck, capturing it on paper or electronically. Start by neutrally asking that behavior why it does what it does. Then mentally switch places with that behavior and answer; then switch again and respond. This can go on for many rounds. Often this exercise results in discovering interesting information you weren't previously aware of. I've seen people have life-changing awareness out of this exercise.
4. Become aware of what you’re feeling. This awareness can have transformative power. Whenever you're about to make a financial decision, pause and ask, "What am I feeling?" This is important: Feelings are one word. At first, we'll often respond with something like, "I'm thinking this is a dumb purchase." No, that's not a feeling. Ask again. "I'm not sure if I should do this." No, that's a thought. "What am I feeling?" Happy? Sad? Angry? Scared? Hurt? Betrayed? Keep asking until you get to one word.
