Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
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Dear Readers,
I sincerely appreciate everyone who takes the time to read this column, and especially those well-regarded industry experts who will sometimes re-post and reference this work. It matters greatly to me to share ideas and hopefully make a difference.
Recently one expert asked whether the letters I receive are authentic or perhaps I make them up. I’d like to use this column to address this and ask financial professionals to consider things we often don’t talk about in this industry.
1. Nothing appears in this column that isn’t posed to me as a question. They aren’t all written as “Dear Bev.” More commonly, they are asked during coaching sessions, in conversations with advisors, in phone calls from an advisor trying to work something through, or in the many, many learning opportunities, facilitations and small group discussions I and my team members have on a weekly basis. If one financial professional asks it, chances are good others have the same dilemma or question and the experience often makes it into my column. There are times I’m asked questions on the same theme many times in a given week and I compile it into one question so that readers don’t become bored. Rest assured, everything that appears is authentic.
2. In one situation, someone reposted the link to my column and called the advisor “cartoonish” because the questions posed seemed inauthentic. To relate this to the work advisors do every day, consider the sometimes random, silly or otherwise misplaced questions and comments your high-net-worth clients might pose to you. You might judge them as random or silly and believe they are not reasonable, but you have to work through them because the client is paying you. This is because human nature is, at times, unpredictable and hard to understand. Why are advisors any different? Aren’t they people too?
3. Understanding the human factor, as I emphasize in my work, means knowing we each have perspectives and opinions that can be perceived by others as off-base. It’s important to have an outlet where you are free to address these without being judged. I strongly believe that’s why I and my team have been very successful working with advisors over many years. We don’t judge anyone’s perspective. We listen to understand, and we try to work through issues in a productive and respectful manner. I’m sometimes stunned by the trust someone will place in us with what they are willing to share. We need not categorize or label them; we must help them work through it just as you would with an over-spending client or a family who has difficult dynamics preventing them from moving forward.
4. There are times when even the most successful people behave in what might be perceived as strange and resistant ways. Think about someone who knows they need to make a change but then drags their feet. Or team members that don’t like each other and make it clear. To believe everyone is rational and logical is to misunderstand human behavior. Training for my recent certification in EQ reminded me that even the most self-aware among us will struggle with other aspects of interacting with others and understanding others.
5. While we might all like to think every advisor could be facile at asking great questions of their clients and probing for understanding, it isn’t the case. I’ve taught undergraduate and graduate school long enough to work with many finance majors, CFAs and CFPs, and been in the institutional and retirement marketplaces long enough to know there are many advisors who come into this business from a love of finance and investing. It is anathema to them to think they could ask deeply personal questions comfortably of a client. It doesn’t mean they are relegated to being mutual fund managers, it means they need support and guidance on how to engage in their own style and in a manner that is comfortable to them.
6. In my younger years, I was called “nosy” because I had such an avid interest in learning about others. I would ask many personal questions. I had no idea at the time about behavioral style, the difference in how we think and act toward others. I didn’t realize some people don’t come by this naturally. Neither bad, nor good – just different. I’ve carried that through to understand that not all advisors enjoy or are comfortable with getting deep and real. I’ve watched advisors who couldn’t imagine asking a client an “elephant in the room” question learn how to do it. However, without respecting their resistance and acknowledging the difficulty, it’s impossible to ask someone to learn.
7. Most successful professionals have not only received their undergraduate, graduate or other degrees and certifications from reputable organizations. They’ve also attended the “School of Hard Knocks.” It’s been my favorite institution over the decades. We’ve all done things we look back on and think we’d never want to repeat. But what a great learning experience it was! If we can’t share these with others, or ask what we think might be the dumb question, we’re pretending we know it all. In my career I’ve not met one person who couldn’t learn and grow (including those, like me, who teach and coach for a living). If we can’t share our faux paus and we can’t talk about how we’re stuck or we don’t know what to do next, we’re lying to ourselves and others. It’s important to create a safe space where we can all learn and develop. We’re all human, and advisors are people too. It’s a journey of development.
Please keep the open and honest questions coming. If you think it or feel it, others likely do too.
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate and graduate students Entrepreneurship and Leading Teams. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here. 
