Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
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Dear Bev,
I am at a crossroads. I’m not sure if this is the right forum, but I need some direction. I have built a very successful practice. We have over $2.4 billion in AUM, a team of great people and clients who appreciate what we do and refer us repeatedly. While I still work with some of our larger families, over time I have moved several of my relationships to our next-generation advisors so that they can grow and learn. I drop in on a meeting from time to time. but we’ve successfully trained our clients. They are in good hands and don’t always need to call or hear from me.
The issue is that I don’t know what’s next for me. I run a successful firm, I make a ridiculously good living, I have a great team of people and I am only 52-years old. I’m not ready for retirement – it doesn’t appeal to me. I have three homes and travel among them. During the virtual experience, I learned I can run the firm from anywhere. But we also have a mandated two days in the office to see each other.
I’ve done what many people dream of doing in their lives, but I’m ill at ease. I am recently remarried to a wonderful person, my kids are grown and on their own and I have a wide circle of friends. My life does not lack anything important.
Do you see this in firm owners? Is it a mid-life crisis whereby I am questioning my decisions and need to plow through it to get on the other side? Am I missing something important?
H.J.
Dear H.J.,
I remember years ago when I was an ardent student of goals and achievement. I read about an Olympic champion who finally reached the pinnacle, got the gold and then shortly thereafter committed suicide. She left a note saying life had ceased to have meaning because once you got everything you ever wanted, where else was there to go? I tried to find this story and instead came across a plethora of articles on this topic – how dedicating your life to a single outcome and then reaching it can leave a feeling of hopelessness and helplessness in its wake.
This is a somber way to start my answer, but it is an important context because you might not feel free to discuss this with anyone. You are highly successful by all the world’s definitions and yet here you sit feeling unfulfilled and wondering if this is all there is. It’s a tough place to be because there are thousands, if not millions, of people who would trade places with you in a heartbeat to have your money, family dynamics, lifestyle and business.
But you are human, and you are having a human reaction to an important topic that few people want to talk about. That is finding contentment and even a little bit of joy in the day-to-day. In teaching entrepreneurship and small business management and in having many different corporate and entrepreneurial roles in my own life, I’ve learned that as you grow and change, and the role and requirements grow and change with you, sometimes you find yourself enjoying what you are doing on a regular basis less and less.
Take stock of where you are and consider what you like to do and what you don’t enjoy as much. Try the following:
- Review your day-to-day activities. Do this in a formal manner by recording every 15 minutes what you do. I have found using an Excel spreadsheet makes this easy but however you will be sure to record, do this. After two weeks, take three pens: green, red and yellow and go through each of the items. Identify in green those things you truly enjoy doing and that bring you at least a modicum of joy, in red those things you truly dislike and in yellow ones you might need to ponder and consider. See what your task-portfolio allocation is – what percentage do you enjoy versus dislike? This can give you guidance on where you might need to make some shifts.
- Make a list of what you have liked about your journey and what you most enjoy doing. This is important because what you are doing today (i.e., listed on your Excel spreadsheet) likely won’t reflect the things you have enjoyed as you have been building the business. As an example, I had a client meeting today with an attorney that had been referred by one of my advisors. He was experiencing a bit of malaise similar to your situation. We uncovered that he had almost entirely removed himself from client work to allow his junior attorneys to learn and grow. It could be a similar scenario for you, where in the interest of growing the firm and helping your team learn more, you have been separated from the aspect of advisory work you most enjoy. Or, it could be an entirely different piece that you were very engaged in at one point but now don’t get as much opportunity to focus on. Be thoughtful about this step, look back and consider what you enjoyed and that is missing.
- Start a Joy Journal. I know, I know, it sounds so hokey, but honestly it is pretty powerful to shift your thinking. Every day, list two or three things that happened where you were blessed, happy, joyful or that were otherwise positive. I use all of these adjectives because words mean different things to different people and you might relate to one more than the other. Capturing the high points (importantly, in writing) allows you the chance to reflect but also gives you a written testament to what is working well. When we are feeling down and out, as you seem to be from reading your note, it can be hard to find anything that is good, and yet you know those things are there. You listed the big ones, but find the small everyday things you can note and focus on.
- Do something new in your firm. Are you enjoying being together enough? Is it time to include celebrating “wins” and learning more about each other in ongoing meetings? Is there a new role you could play or somewhere you could get engaged differently? It’s common for anyone to get into a rut. You end up doing what you need to do, what’s required of you, but you don’t push yourself to be creative and step outside of this. Push a little bit. Explore something new. Try to be different in the same place.
- Lastly, live your values. Is there something you care about where you are unable to spend the time and focus right now? This can be anything from philanthropic efforts to golfing, from learning a new skill to visiting with long-lost friends. One of the advisors we were coaching had gone through a difficult life experience and it was coloring his experience in his firm and impacting his effectiveness. He had always wanted to do improv. It was a passion of his to act when he was younger and he felt called back to it. He found a group of people who were serious professionals in their day jobs, but found joy and comradery with an improv group on nights and weekends. Our client felt refreshed and rejuvenated and reported back to us that he believed adding this into his life made him a better advisor. He was more contented and happy and this came through in his work with others.
I know much of this sounds like fluff but I assure you it is not. What you are dealing with borders on a sort of depression. I could advise you to see a therapist or talk with colleagues to find answers, but I promise you if you consider implementing one or more of the things I have outlined here you will find a shift happening in your experience and your mindset. Please do keep me posted on it.
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry, in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate and graduate students Entrepreneurship and Leading Teams. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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