My Son is a Weak Performing Team Member

Dear F.S.,

If the regular human dynamics within a team weren’t tough enough for advisors to navigate, adding in troubling issues with family members makes it more difficult.

You should not be the one coaching your son. I hear your desire to help him see what he is doing doesn’t help his career, and I know you have a vested interest in helping him improve. But you will not be very effective given (a) you are his father; and, (b) you have outside negative forces you are pushing against with his mother’s intervention.

He needs coaching. Hire someone from the outside to help you navigate this situation. Choose someone your son is comfortable with, not someone who appears to be only working for you. Interview three coaches and have your son do the same to make sure you are choosing someone who is a good match. To set the coach up for success, consider the following:

1. Have people around your son complete a 360 and/or have the coach interview a few of the team members to understand how others see him. You are reflecting your views and reference others who “don’t respect him,” but it’s hard for anyone to work with comments this amorphous. They don’t respect him, but why? What behaviors does he engage in that cause negative reactions in others? What specifically does he do and say? The more granular you can be in giving feedback to someone, the better able they are to hear it and digest it. Get some facts about what’s working and what’s not.

2. Be sure the job description for your son in the role of COO is clear and expectations for success have been laid out and agreed to. The role of COO is challenging – in some advisory teams, it is an operations and HR role; in others it is a sales and marketing role; and in others it is the chief administrative officer (CAO). Even if you have written a job description in the past, review it with the coach and your son and make sure everything is as clear as possible.

3. Communicate to the rest of the team the roles and responsibilities of the COO role and your expectations for success. I have a client who recently brought in a spouse to work with the team, and we talked about how important it is to have clear messaging about what the person will and won’t do and how they will interact with other team members. Depending on the relationship you have with the rest of your staff, they could be hesitant to say anything negative about your son – or conversely, they could be unnecessarily hard on him to make him prove himself. Communication is key and a good coach can help you with the messaging.

4. Engage with your son before you engage in the process of finding a coach. Share your desire to help him improve. Ensure he understands this process is meant to help him and support his career journey. Remind him the best professional sports players are coached on an ongoing basis. Even the best of the best can improve. Encourage him to be open and willing to listen, and be clear this is not punitive, but rather reflects your desire to see him be the best he can be.

It's tricky to manage a situation like you have. Having an outside partner will be very valuable for you.

Dear Bev,

I know you have written about this topic in your column a few times, but generally I don’t think we talk about it enough in the advisory profession. What’s up with the 20-somethings? Why doesn’t anyone want to work anymore? Why do they all think they deserve it all when they haven’t proven themselves worthy of getting it?

L.Y.

Dear L.Y.,

Yes, you are right – I have answered similar questions to this one a few times. I encounter the question or reflection at least once a week in my work with advisors. I’ll come at this from a different vantage point to make my viewpoint clear – making broad statements, especially negative ones, about any generational, gender or ethnic group is dangerous. Not all younger people fit into the framework you lay out here – to ask what’s up with all people of a certain age is disrespectful. It boxes people in and prevents them from being the best they can be because you have already set an expectation for them just based on their age. Each generation suffers from this (yes, some boomers can manage technology, and no, not all Gen X are “entitled” and arrogant); to cast an all-or-nothing net that says everyone is this way within a certain segment prevents you from helping someone improve.

If you struggle to get your 20-somethings to engage, sit down and discuss what would help them to be passionate and excited. Ask them what they care about in their job and within the firm. Get to know them a little bit and learn about their journey and their hopes and dreams – in other words, treat them like you would one of the next gens of your wealthy clients!

I teach graduate courses with students ranging from 21-30 years old every term. I have also raised what are now three 20-somethings. All the people I interact with in this age category are passionate, devoted, driven and enthusiastic to learn and contribute. I don’t see what you are expressing at all, and I interact with this age group constantly.

Your view may be coloring your experience. Take a step back to see if you can’t learn more about the people who work for and with you. Maybe they don’t know where their role fits, or they can’t see the goals of the future, or they don’t understand enough about the overall business. Approach them as if they do care and do want to learn and engage and see if this doesn’t change the dynamic and their response a bit.

Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry, in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. The firm has won the Wealthbriefing WealthTech award for Best Training Solution for 2022 and 2023. Beverly is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate and graduate students Entrepreneurship and Leading Teams. She is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).

She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.

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